KNITTTING AND SHAT;

feel it in the air;
http://www.myspace.com/icoastyoudont

go listen. NOW.
that song just hits home, and im proud of cuhz for makin a deep song like that .


anyways, foneless again. i like being foneless though.
jus goin to a little weak flipfone.
tired of so many options on a fone!

im getting old. ahhhh !

AUGUST 19th; LIFES STARTING .
DANG . still cant believe it .
i love my partner (boyfriend)

i started knitting so look out for some shit (:
thinkin bout gettin a night job for a month or two til i become unable to function .

i need more $$ .
time to start payin student loans &shat .

MONTHLY PRIORITIES
RENT;
ELECTRIC BILLS;
GAS BILLS;
SPEEDING TICKET;
LOAN REPAYMENT;
GROCERIES;
PHONE BILLS;
CREDIT CARD BILL;

helpmeup

my boyfriends a weirdo .

hes at his house . on the fone with me .
laying upside down.
laughing HARD.
saying "help me upppp"
now yelling at who i think is turboe.

hes fckn weird.
gotta love him tho !

CHERRY;

FRUIT COCKTAIL

DEL MONTE VERY CHERRY IS THA SHITTTTT

lastblog;

in regards to the last blog, i really do want to do a documentary.
i was not being sarcastic in any way shape or form.
there are things i really want to ask a lesbian or bisexual girl.
not only for personal knowledge but i really think it would broaden ppls minds.
theres all these documentaries about pimps and hoes but none about people with a head on their shoulders.

homo;

I NEED TO DO A GAY FEMALE DOCUMENTARY.
IT WILL BE TITLED

"INSIDE A GAY GIRLS DOME"'
subtitled- from a straight girls perspective!

AUDITIONS FOR ANY LESBIAN OR BISEXUAL GIRLS. COMMENT!

PART OF MY IDEAL CAST HOWEVER,
WOULD BE...

STUD- AMINAH
GIRLY GAY- KYLA.
IN THE MIDDLE- PCAKES

i have questions that need answers to and things that need explaining.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$<3

Thanks to johnny PCAKES,
i want to work at topanga mall again.
Jimmy Choo, LV, Tiffany & Co., Burberry, Neiman Marcus or Cartier.

IM DETERMINED!

it all falls down ...

ever feel like you have everything you need,
yet you're still incomplete?

ive been thinking about it ,
and it sucks to see that because i have to take some time off of hangind out everyweek,
i lose ones that i really cared/care for .
its like i wish that i could have this new life with all the people that really meant something to me .

it hurts to see that no matter what, our friendship wont be the same .
i try to maintain friendships, or even just communication and they dont feel the same .

Precious, once upon a time this girl and i were inseperable. like it wasnt two girls that knew each other it was "Vanessa & P" Precious and nessa" And because of a situation that remains unnamed, we lost that. i let her down, but in a way i guess you can say we let each other down. we were so dependent on each others presence we didnt realize that you always have to prepare for anything. we didnt realize that the "weve been through so much, nothing can ever ruin us" phrase that we lived our friendship by, wasnt all that in fact true . we spent so much time together that i never prepared myself for the "what ifs". and in this case it was "WHAT IF THE FRIENDSHIP FALLS APART" what if? i didnt prepare myself for that, so when that happened it was FUCK YOU to the WORLD . i limited myself to certain people who i now realized dont care as much as they pretended . see, in all actuality, the only "friend" that really mattered, was precious . and it hurts me everytime i see her blog, myspace, aim, icon, or that 1862 #... cuz i know that we arent where we were 1 yr ago .and honestly? i really would do anything to bring that friendship back. from the rumors to the truth, none of that matters to me . i just want her back no homo .

hasan is another person that id do anything to get back into my life, but it will never happen. hes put up a fuck u guard towards me and it hurts like hell . the fact that the one guy i thought would never hurt me, did by simply walking out of my life . he hurt me almost as much pain as ive gone thru with my father. not because he treated me like my father or he reminded me of him, but because i loved him SO much more than my own father , that losing him literally KILLED me. theres nothing i can ever say or do to get him back but, just know hasan i love you .


on another note, i realized some things about my life right now that makes me appreciate life alot more. at 19 years old, ive bypassed the partying life, and the late nights out. i realized that your goal in life is to teach. everything you do, affects your future. be it on yourself, or towards your children.
be it financially, lessons learned, whatever it all affects your future.

new years

happy new years!

last night was BOMB . my boyfriend is just wow .
i know i say that all the time, but the nigga makes me feel like a QUEEN.
i can honestly say i see myself with him for a LONG VERY long time.<3

ill write more laterrrrr