pow

love love love it .

job hunting starts now (:
<3$$$$$

babytime.

so i definitely havent written in a long time...
with everything going on i mean..
let me start off by saying
FREE BIG B0N3 AKA WOOKI3;
got him his game that he wanted so he got something to enjoy when he gets out (:


let me just say this has been whats occupying most of my time.
Auriahnna Jacklynn Dorsey.
Born: 8.5.2009 @11:34pm
same birthday as her mommy, yes i know.

okay so august 3rd and 4th my back had been hurting REALLY bad. the 4th a little worse .. i found myself throwing up EVERYTHING and getting very dizzy and didnt know why... well later in the day i found myself at Petitpark with my boyfriend. He was off smoking with his brothers Eric, Hasan and Chico.. while Jaz and I talked about her labor and how the doctor had to break her water and how i heard that thats normally the case... next thing u know i feel a gush. if youre familiar with the female body you know our body does weird shit sometimes... so i got up to walk and see if the gushing would stop, but no... more gushing. it hit me hard... MY WATER BROKE. no words were said to jaz all i did was walk and yell BABE... no response... WOOKIE... he peeked his head up and knew something wasnt right as i waved for him to come over... i told him "we have to go... my water broke" and he asked me if i was sure... i wanted to laugh because NO i wasnt sure i never had a kid so i didnt know what it felt like but if i had to imagine... that would be it. its like peeing without being able to stop yourself. anyways... so he got really nervous and we hopped in the car and headed for Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital in Valencia. We got there in about 20-30 minutes (9pm). the whole time mind you i was in a weird almost euphoric state... i was very calm aside from the fact that my breathing was a little heavier but i think that was just due to the adrenaline... the fact that SHE MIGHT BE HERE THE DAY BEFORE MY 20TH BIRTHDAY!!!. so we get to the hospital and the nurses asked why i was there and i responded " im not sure, but i think my water broke" so they stuck things inside me and said "yeah it was your water.. and you're 2cm dialated" (mind u thats what i was the thursday prior) so they went ahead and started administering IVs and antibiotics and Pitocin which if you dont know, induces labor. so from here on out it was a simple waiting game... the doctor wanted me to give birth by 8am... so now not only did i have to stay til my birthday... i couldnt take wookie to court ... and he wouldnt be there while i waited or when i gave birth. i was a bit down but he had shit to take care of.. so im waiting and waiting and nothings happening... eventually they raise the pitocin up to "24" which is the maximum level and still nothing happens. by this time may i remind you its about 22 hours later and the second doctor on call is on duty and ive dialated about another cm.... so she decides to stick an internal monitor up my vajayjay to make sure the contractions are happening...& they think my bodys become immune to the pitocin so they turn it off and start over again which is when i start feeling contractions that HURT. i mean i was crying... so the doctor looks at the monitor and sees that my contractions though progressing... are not doing enough to make me dialate... they then decide to give me an epidural to loosen my pelvic area to see if the baby will drop on my cervix a little more which would help me dialate... so epidural time... that was the most painful thing of my labor/birth experience... wookie (boyfriend) told me that the needle was about as wide as 3/4ths of this computer monitor....so anyways as soon as they gave me the epidural my legs went NUMB. i mean almost in a paralystic state. I felt them there... but when asked to move them... haaaa ! i sat there and just looked at my legs... so at least we knew the epidural worked lol... about 4 hours had passed from the last time they checked me and i dialated another cm so it took me 26 hours to dialate from 2cm to 4cm... mind you u cant give birth til youre at 10.... i laid there listenin to precious talk about her sister's mission at kaiser and listened to jericha talk to my stomach...watched the man whose child i was about to birth and started to feel my eyes rolling and my neck flop over like a newborn... if i had to imagine what rollin felt like... THAT WAS IT... all i could do was roll my eyes let my neck fall forward and then pull it bakc and say.. DAYUM; IM FUCCKKKED UP! the doctor finally came in and told me that i had two options.. cut to the chase ... i could have a csection and get the labor over with... or i could wait to see if i dialate and either give birth naturally or end up having to have a csection from not dialating... so i was so pissed off from being off no sleep... no food and no baby that i said lets get this baby outt ! so there everyone went .. clearing out my room sending me to the operating room... my mom joined me. alot of things crossed my mind while i laid there on the operating table.. the fact that i once decided not to keep the child i was about to have kept running through my mind. i kept wondering what he/she would look like. i kept wondering if my babygirl was going to really be a baby girl... finally i felt pressure as someone pushed down on my stomach. i felt another person pulling at something.. and there it was ONE NOTE.. ONE CRY... i got scared because i only heard one cry so i started crying. i thought what if the cord is wrapped.. what if shes not breathing... what if what if what if... finally they pulled all of the baby out and there it was ... what i had waited 9 months for... "ITS A BABYGIRL" with her crying as background noise... as they carried her over to the table to clean her up i kept crying... i finally realized what people meant when they said the second you have your baby, you fall in love... here we are 3 weeks later....the picture u saw above (: Auriahnna Jacklynn Dorsey ! heres pictures!

daddy &grandparentsss

daddy lookin at his bby.

uncle eric

bbys first ride home !

ill be posting more pictures soon ...
im jst tired.

FREE BIG B0N3. MISS U BABE!

change gon' come .

say no more ....

8/14/2009- 2010!!!!

i need that!

august 14th; im comin for that ass! even if its from the labor room at the hospital! im coppin!

i want him;

cant tell me that cuntfucc isnt the most adorable thing in the world.




dont tell wookie though (:
he might get upset.

bwahahahaha.




monkeys poppin.

luam.

no reason she should move like this.
check her out at http://www.youtube.com/user/luamworld

makinMOVES

getting my car hopefully by friday.
first plans.
Lbc to see my bm<3
the beach with the boyfriend.
and china town so he can try real chinese food pwahaha

empty

sMh.

once i get this car,
youll know what its like.
to be left behind.
to feel neglected.
to feel alone.
as much as we see each other...
its not the same.
we dont spend TIME together.

once i get this car,
and im gone every week with my friends...
youll feel what i feel.
youll wonder why we dont spend time
youll wonder why im always leaving you
instead of hanging out with you.

there was only one other person i cared for in my life anywhere near as much as i cared for you...
and i left him behind because he NEGLECTED me...

i hope im not living a replay.

frosted;

complete!!! red white &blu<3

they're decent. im happy (: they taste good lol!!

unfrosted;

(: not frosted yet;
but i guess my moms going to a memorial day bbq
2mrw so i baked cupcakes for her to take with her.
jst a white cake but its layered (:
they almost tasted like angelfoodcake

i took one out of the batch to taste test (: and i likeeee.
likee so much i almost didnt take a pictureee lol. woopsie.

here

babylookingrown

(: my baby got a jobb! congrats my love<3

he looked so sharp today!! lol with his lil dress shirt tie and slacks!
boyyyy lookin sharp assss heelllll(:

<3333 my boyfriends the sexiest nigga ever<3


btw, for those of you that thought yesterdays post was about my boyfriend... its not.

1/2_amus.

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands." - Unknown

if you know me, you know who this is about. period.

i guess thats what my problem was... i guess i thought even though we disagree'd, youd still be here holding my hand. you'd still be here to tell me "i told you so" if this ever falls, and to hug me and make me stop crying like you did the night of the party at legion... i thought you'd still be here to walk with me through this thing called life....


and its sad that its come to this;
acting like we know nothing of each other.
like complete strangers...
no, not even a hi or bye or a head nod to acknowledge each others presence. . .
nothing more than "vanessa" or ... no need for names.

all i can do is think about the friendship we once had
the friendship i once thought would be here FOREVER....
how it shattered in an instant . . .
and i guess you can say part of me is to blame,
but honestly if you could see things from my eyes...
if you saw things the way i was looking at them
if you saw the way i AM treating this situation . . .
if you saw the way we both feel....
i think you might have felt a little differently about me and him.

i mean who knows maybe we'd still be friends.
i was taught to live life regret nothing . . . everything happens for a reason.
losing one friendship that meant the most to me is the ONE and ONLY thing i have ever regretted.... and i see no reason for you not being here.
i see no reason for us not being as we were... at least a hi and bye would keep me content...
it wouldnt "do" but it would keep me from crying everytime i see you
and we walk by each other and act as if weve never met...

someone who was once my other 1/2... now a stranger in my life....

"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew"- Henry Rollins

i still love you ..

hfdsjfahdsjf.HJ.fdhsjfahsdk

scurrryyy

he creeps me thee fuck out;
Charles "no-name maddox" Manson. . . .

talk about heebeejeebeez!

rappers are hungry;

really?

CAM'RON HAS A SONG CALLED COOKIES AND APPLEJUICE.


SUPER BURNT.

biz

that puppy puts a smile on my face (:

i miss bizzy =[
gRrRr!!!!

@@wookies house. bored.

Golden;

i want one!!!!

AHH!! GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES ARE
THE MOST ADORABLE CUNT THINGS IN THE WORLD!!!!

Exfactor;

i was trying to find a legitimate cover for ex factor that i liked....
and she made me smile.
and i mean, i think "id hold her hand" LMFAO

who???

this nigga, needs to stop making music.

NOW.

thehills;

I normally don't think that white girls are very attractive;
but Audrina Patridge is definitely a gorgeous girl.

Mu_SICK

For those who underestimate Joe Buddens_
I think y'all should highly re-evaluate one's self.
even took my song off so yall can listen to this shit!

Pray For Me - Joe Budden


Here's the lyrics if you dont get it.
He's actually rappin about shit!

Look, I woke up without a heart beat
But I remember we was just in the car deep
Was at a light and got approached by a car thief
He pulled out but didn't ask for no car keys
A loud noise without a voice but I'm tryna scream out s*** is not fair
I can't tell you where I'm at or how I got here
Surrounded by all white maybe its just cloudy
Escorted by two men who knew everything about me
Both of them so strong kept saying hold on
Feel like my souls gone naked no clothes on
I know this can't be my fate I scream WAIT!
as they drop me infront of a gate
They left no trace...
I can see my every breath like a cold day
Stood before a man with no face
he said to me...

Please don't make this any harder...

WHO THE F*** IS YOU?

My child I'm your father...

I only got one dad!

Is that a fact to you? He left you when you was young I brought him back to you
Your real close to heaven, few get to step in
now tell me what you've done to deserve to be let in?

Look I'm far from a christian Not big on religion
But aint done too much wrong my entire time living
Never killed never tried too tho I been lied to
Was once suicidal never read the bible
I always been a care taker tried to nurse people
At times it back fired hurt people hurt people
Plus I never use your name in vain
But you should know everything I'm being asked to explain

I know you stole from your mothers purse

You can't count that, that was way back when!

Its still a sin

But I was ten!

You robbed people, stole

Yeah and YOU made me see jail!

but I also seen you lay your hands on a female
sold drugs to parents none of that was needed
abandenned your child, on every girl you cheated
Done wrong to people that only want the best for you
Any time you thought you were alone I was next to you

When it came to baby moms GOD you gave me the worse one!

but that was your second child Joe you shouldn't killed the first one

I aint have a job aint have a pot to piss in

Look I gave you a gift and you made the wrong decision
Held onto resentments even in doing business
I lead by example, I teach forgiveness your entry can not be Gur-an-teed
not when you live with anger, envy, greed
pride, sloth, lust even gluttony
everything you shouldn't if you woulda joined my company

Look I'm only human I aint perfect.

That I understand. When I take you out a jam
you don't even think to worship, and when you do...
you never talk about what you can do for me its what I can do for you?
I blessed you with health, family and wealth
with all the blessings you received you still always want help

Yeah theres been times in my life I needed help to make money
But why everything I love you manage to take from me?
Yet you stand there an question a n**** that tries hard
and finds a way when you keep dealing them F***ED up cards!
You make mistakes like ME far as I can see
I think its a mockery whenever rich n****s win the lottery
Gave us Busch twice God I hate to be rude
But you let skinny n****s starve give obese n****s food
THE NERVE of you telling me I don't deserve to stay here
When you gave us drugs and GUNS you put AIDS here!
Take a look at you, your actions are cold hearted
The harsh s*** is you bring babies in the world retarded
I know most my actions put me in a cell
But how you mad at me when you put me in the hell

See my child you need gratitude, maybe just a sample
I never give a person anything they cant handle
Don't tell me about everything you had to go through
there's reasons for my actions even if I never showed you
Kept trying with you all you did was hurt me
still gave you chances to prove that you was worthy
and so I sat with you on a train I asked you for change
you kept calling me names. Prolly didnt notice
I was the store clerk, you put the gun to me get money for more work
my child I know you have it in you to indeed stop
this is not your final calling just a brief stop
Hope you heed my words and understand
so when I see you back you should be a better man
look at life different the next time we see each other
there be no need for talk whenever we meet each other

sweet like a cherry

Nothing would make me happier right now, than a bowl of cold, dark red cherries.

Fucking a! I need to go find one of those mexican guys...
maybe off the 118 or somewhere along the winding road to Zuma?


hmMmm! i just wish they were everywhere! I'd be the happiest person EVER.


*UPDATEEEEEE*


okay- so today a couple of things would make me happy-mmmm, cold sweet juicy mango cut just like that !!!!!


Asian Shaved Ice;
its literally just shaved ice with condensed milk.
its kind of like an asian version of pink berry.
i normally get it with these lil pink and white chewy things, some almond jello and red beans.
sounds gross to non asian people im sure, but i swear to you once you try it...
OH MY FUCKING AY!
PINKBERRY!
original with kiwi mango and yogurt chippyssss. unless the pomegranate is good (:

and im going now pwahahahaha!

showertimee suckasssssssss

candy

some food for your eyes;

BALLS AND ALL'

sinus allergies
can suck my
invisible



DICK!

dslr

so let me see,
im going to be eligible for recieving unemployment ! which is cool .
Im in process of trying to get a new baby;yes, i said it. 50D DSLR! i've had my eye on it for a while now !
o0wee her with a telephoto or zoom lense would be bomb !

once i get that, I will be continuing my education in Commercial/High Fashion Photography (:
And also recieve a degree in the Pastry Arts field! ANDDDD
Go to Cosmotology school like I've been planning for years now. Although the Cosmotology wont be started til around January '10 lol.

anyways back to my beauty; :} shes a beastttt! i need her! NOW.
and if i see anyone in the valley besides j0hnxdeuce walkin around with this camera, on my life, i will slap the shit out of you, and take your shit !

It makes me lose passion when i see people turning photography into a trend like Blogspot, Myspace or Twitter. PHOTOGRAPHY IS AN ART!
and i guarantee ask ppl with cameras about ISO, WB, Aperture, Shutter Speed, DOF, Bokeh- THEY WONT KNOW A THING!!!
probably tell you dof and bokeh are completely off ass shits.

it hurts.

PHOTOGRAPHY IS AN ART; NOT A TREND.
PUT THE CAMERA DOWN.

dada;

i misss this part of my life wayy too much

.

dead&gone;

moving . . .
getting a new job . . .

the old is dead to me .

RIP

seee air

she has this thing about here that i like.
but its like idk shes not always bomb.
but sometimes bomb lmfao .

if that makes sense.

people disgust me .

i stand alone .

me lajuan and lil 1

just emotiions.

before i post what i have intended, i need to say that my dog sleeps like a person.
on his back, legs all spread out. hands (paws) under his head.
its cute (:

&& i honestly dont know where well end up. dont know if hell keep the words hes told me since day 1. dont kno if hell end up playin games when he doesnt have time for them... but what i do know is i believe what i hear now. i believe when he looks me in my eyes and tells me "ill only tell you once, cuz everyone says the shit, but i mean it... im never gonna leave you"

and with that said, my heart forever remains standinsolidd.

now back to the originally scheduled blogcast....

now this might offend some im aware, but its not directed towards anyone in particular so if you get offended part of you realizes you are exactly what i am speaking of.... just a pre warning before you continue to read....


so like the youth of today are all the same.
like its sad that everyones created this image of what they have to be. fitted hats skinny jeans and sbs for boys. died hair , doorknockers, and mocs for fees.
like im tired of it.

i went looking across myspaces today and noticed like everyones the same. no matter how much these people claim to "shit" and be "dope" or whatever fuckin slang terms are in "season" now... they dont because theyre just like the last and the next person. braggin and boastin about the shit your parents got you.. wow.

people say they dont follow "trends"
and start they own shit... but once they start they own shit they get all their friends on it..... whhats that ? a TREND. so regardless... the people that live for popularity and a myspace or blog view, or a aim buddy whatever the fuck yall live for nowadays....

yall all follow trends. yall all are like each other. PERIOD

realize the truth, and that shall set you free.
not sayin im real or anything but people that dont care, are on there own shit. they dont live to be seen by the public eye when they not even fuckin famous (myspace popularity and party popularity does not count my friends)
but when people are onn they own shit figurin out ways to better they lives ON THEY OWN WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF MOM AND DAD OR FAMILY ...
when they stackin money not givin a fuck about what LOOKS COOL....

thats when you have my respect.
my ass wear a fuckin white tee w. a hoodie some sweats and some boots. not cuz the shits cute, cuz it personally dontfuckin match, BUT cuz tha shits warm.

just so tired of this nonsense goin on in cali man... and thats SO REAL.
cuz 1/2 yrs from now yall all gon look back like WTF WAS I THINKING....
shit i know i do.. cuz i was where yall are at one point.

CHEESE:

SO VALENTINES DAY DIDNT GO AS I ORIGINALLY PLANNED,
BUT BABY STILL MADE IT GOOD.
HE TOOK ME TO MAMAJS &HAD A GOOD DINNER.

IM TIRED
&HNGRY SO IM SITN HERE EATING GRILLED CHEESE (:

gewgehl;

just got home from the boyfriends
&now we're here.

ive een having maddd headaches recently.
why? shit! im askin you!

but ummm not too much too say besides
fucc you; goodnight america.

oh yeah, my dinner consists of au gratin (:

dont know what it is?
GOOGLE ME BABY.

excusemyholyness

so my boyfriend will be here for good!
im so happy man! im fuckin tellin you all...

GOD IS GOOD!
DO NOT TAKE THAT MAN FOR GRANTED.

he does things to test you.
to test your faith in Him.
to test your strength.

For example, i believe my financial hardship that I am going through right now will be over soon.
He wants me to rely my faith on him, which I vow to do.
Im tired of stressing so Im gonna hand this over to God, and hopefully he makes it does what it do! On his timing too! not on ours.

reminds me of an old gospel song i used to sing at church....
"hes an ontime God.
Yes he is.
He may not come when you want him,
but hell be there right on time
i tell you hes an ontimee God, yes he is!"
Ive been worrying so much about how I'm going to pay my bills, &getmyself out of debt.
cuz thats what ive been trained to do since i was little!
But see "trust in the lord with all thy heart, and rely not on thy own knowledge"
For whatever it is that you want, confess it with your mouth to the Lord, have faith and he will grant it upon you when he feels you are ready.


anyways, I had some deep thinking the other day when wookie left. i didnt think id be seeing him for along time and honestly it made me appreciate him so much more. through all of our ups and downs and little spats we get into. our disagreements and arguements, my love remains strong.
and actually continues to grow. i try to imagine myself without him in my life and i cant. hes become a huge part of my life that without him i honestly dont feel right. hes made me a much more wiser person. through everything we go through, at first i thought it was because we just werent meant. but after all of this ive realized that we are meant. we' are so much alike that we dont know how to act. we bump heads so much because we both have an attitude. we both react the same to certain things.

for example, hell look irritated when nothings wrong
i "yell" when im talking
and both of these erk the other. hes everything i am, but at the same time everything im not.
he keeps me sane, yet insane at the same time.
hes my right hand, my backbone, my spine, my world.

when me and him first got involved i honestly didnt think hed look at me the way he does. blame that on my low self esteem i guess. i thought id be just another girl, but for some reason i stood there. stood there and risked my friendship with someone who was very important to me, and yes although it did and does hurt to kno i had to lose that person... im happy with the choice i made and would not have things any other way. because although i didnt think he took me seriously that 11.10 week.... i realized shortly after he was about to become my king and i his queen. and now, i feel our bond is ridiculous. yes we do still argue because even the most perfect relationships have their flaws, i couldnt be anymore happier. he makes me happy to the point where i cry thinking about how blessed i feel to have him. ahhhh i could go on and on but, i gotta get in the shower.

On that note..
i Love that man.
LDorsey.

"I know you have trust issues,
but I'm here to let you know,
I'm your Catherine, your my Jo.
Betta half, you make me whole.

I know you go through my phone,
Checkin all of my messages.
Thinking I do you wrong
Tryna see who im messin with.

Baby ill ride for you,
Baby ill die for you,
You are the only one ,
The only one that I'm lovin.

The only onee that im lovin is you
The only one I let touch me is you

You're the only one that sees
In my vicky secrets

The one I share my sheets with
Baby the only one that I want is you"

&& with all that said;

Goodbye;
&GodBless!

dreams;

So, what im sayin is... a girl can dream right?
Tiffany &Co has bomb wedding rings.
SExXxy;

Round Brilliant with Channel-set Band
$9600

Tiffany Legacy
$11,600

Three Stone with Sapphire Side Stones
$13,700



FUCKING AYHOLE.

2/3/09; 2/14/09

madass headache; prayin for my right hand.
2mrws the day =[


theres a possibility, this valentines day is gonna be a lonely one... =[

KNITTTING AND SHAT;

feel it in the air;
http://www.myspace.com/icoastyoudont

go listen. NOW.
that song just hits home, and im proud of cuhz for makin a deep song like that .


anyways, foneless again. i like being foneless though.
jus goin to a little weak flipfone.
tired of so many options on a fone!

im getting old. ahhhh !

AUGUST 19th; LIFES STARTING .
DANG . still cant believe it .
i love my partner (boyfriend)

i started knitting so look out for some shit (:
thinkin bout gettin a night job for a month or two til i become unable to function .

i need more $$ .
time to start payin student loans &shat .

MONTHLY PRIORITIES
RENT;
ELECTRIC BILLS;
GAS BILLS;
SPEEDING TICKET;
LOAN REPAYMENT;
GROCERIES;
PHONE BILLS;
CREDIT CARD BILL;

helpmeup

my boyfriends a weirdo .

hes at his house . on the fone with me .
laying upside down.
laughing HARD.
saying "help me upppp"
now yelling at who i think is turboe.

hes fckn weird.
gotta love him tho !

CHERRY;

FRUIT COCKTAIL

DEL MONTE VERY CHERRY IS THA SHITTTTT

lastblog;

in regards to the last blog, i really do want to do a documentary.
i was not being sarcastic in any way shape or form.
there are things i really want to ask a lesbian or bisexual girl.
not only for personal knowledge but i really think it would broaden ppls minds.
theres all these documentaries about pimps and hoes but none about people with a head on their shoulders.

homo;

I NEED TO DO A GAY FEMALE DOCUMENTARY.
IT WILL BE TITLED

"INSIDE A GAY GIRLS DOME"'
subtitled- from a straight girls perspective!

AUDITIONS FOR ANY LESBIAN OR BISEXUAL GIRLS. COMMENT!

PART OF MY IDEAL CAST HOWEVER,
WOULD BE...

STUD- AMINAH
GIRLY GAY- KYLA.
IN THE MIDDLE- PCAKES

i have questions that need answers to and things that need explaining.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$<3

Thanks to johnny PCAKES,
i want to work at topanga mall again.
Jimmy Choo, LV, Tiffany & Co., Burberry, Neiman Marcus or Cartier.

IM DETERMINED!

it all falls down ...

ever feel like you have everything you need,
yet you're still incomplete?

ive been thinking about it ,
and it sucks to see that because i have to take some time off of hangind out everyweek,
i lose ones that i really cared/care for .
its like i wish that i could have this new life with all the people that really meant something to me .

it hurts to see that no matter what, our friendship wont be the same .
i try to maintain friendships, or even just communication and they dont feel the same .

Precious, once upon a time this girl and i were inseperable. like it wasnt two girls that knew each other it was "Vanessa & P" Precious and nessa" And because of a situation that remains unnamed, we lost that. i let her down, but in a way i guess you can say we let each other down. we were so dependent on each others presence we didnt realize that you always have to prepare for anything. we didnt realize that the "weve been through so much, nothing can ever ruin us" phrase that we lived our friendship by, wasnt all that in fact true . we spent so much time together that i never prepared myself for the "what ifs". and in this case it was "WHAT IF THE FRIENDSHIP FALLS APART" what if? i didnt prepare myself for that, so when that happened it was FUCK YOU to the WORLD . i limited myself to certain people who i now realized dont care as much as they pretended . see, in all actuality, the only "friend" that really mattered, was precious . and it hurts me everytime i see her blog, myspace, aim, icon, or that 1862 #... cuz i know that we arent where we were 1 yr ago .and honestly? i really would do anything to bring that friendship back. from the rumors to the truth, none of that matters to me . i just want her back no homo .

hasan is another person that id do anything to get back into my life, but it will never happen. hes put up a fuck u guard towards me and it hurts like hell . the fact that the one guy i thought would never hurt me, did by simply walking out of my life . he hurt me almost as much pain as ive gone thru with my father. not because he treated me like my father or he reminded me of him, but because i loved him SO much more than my own father , that losing him literally KILLED me. theres nothing i can ever say or do to get him back but, just know hasan i love you .


on another note, i realized some things about my life right now that makes me appreciate life alot more. at 19 years old, ive bypassed the partying life, and the late nights out. i realized that your goal in life is to teach. everything you do, affects your future. be it on yourself, or towards your children.
be it financially, lessons learned, whatever it all affects your future.

new years

happy new years!

last night was BOMB . my boyfriend is just wow .
i know i say that all the time, but the nigga makes me feel like a QUEEN.
i can honestly say i see myself with him for a LONG VERY long time.<3

ill write more laterrrrr