a scattered mind;;

1.31.08
part 2. =/

I'm kind of glad I got this Blogspot. I think I'm actually going to be putting it to use. i mean hey... the days only halfway over and I already have 2 long ass posts for the day. I'm sure there will be one more by the night is over. It's good for me though. Although Precious && Zach are my other halfs.. I can't always tell them everything that's on my mind. They have their own problems, but for how much i do tell them, and how much they listen, i love them to death.

Today so far hasn't consisted of much. I woke up, & came straight to school at around 12 && have been blogging && myspacing since. Yes, another day wasted. I guess I'm going to the "infamous" alley in LA. Pat wants to go shopping. Oh joy right? I've come to realize alot about myself, my school, the people here, and my surroundings. Although at first I said it's nothing like high school, it is in fact exactly like high school. you have the typical girls. the weird girls. the loser guys. the "here for now" guys. the guys u c but never speak with. and then you have the jealous canaiving bitch "plastics" precious is probably the only one that will realize what im talking about. whatever tho. this is life and its the story ive lived forever now. bitches will always press my nerve. thats just how it goes.

So I've come to realize, regardless of how happy I say I am in life, I'm not. && its not him that I like or enjoy 'cuz i realized im kind of bored... I realized that i enjoy the idea of him. I really think I should go back to the whole.. Travis && Reese days. When I wasn't just prioritizing one guy && in all actuality... I didn't give a flying FUCK about how they felt or if they were hurt. As long as Vanessa was happy, everything was all good. That's why this song connects to me so much, because "if you pimp him I congratulate you." I realized I was happier when I was doing them grimey.

I also realized my prioritites highly need to be re-evaluated.
when i say this i mean;;
really focus on school
get a job
make money
get my car fixed
FUCK GUYS.


i think that would definitely center my life and make it more enjoyable for me. I definitely have to stop talking about this shit and be about it.

Well, Friends... Another subject that intrigued me today as I came across a picture...
my mom, ann && dom. They've been friends for 18plus years? And I lose friends like the hair that falls out of my head. I sit here and wonder... 19 years from now, who's still gonna be here? who's gonna be here when me & my husband are fighting, or when i need some extra money, or when i find out my 16 year old daughter is pregnant? Which one of these "friends" I have is going to become closer to me? or become more distant? I know we cant control the actions of others... but seeing that picture && seeing how genuinely happy my mom looks in this picture is literally bringing tears to my eyes. I hope that 19 years from now... My mom, Ann & Dom... become Me.. precious... and zach...

&& thats all thats to be said for now...
with that said
i gotta let this blog cry...
as well as my eyes...

<3>

Most Influential thing of the day;;

be a better, true, genuine friend, so 18plus years from now...
i can have the same genuine smile, that my mother has.

Relation &ships.;;

1.31.08
stephens bday.
elisias bday.
the end of the first month of o8.

i forgot to say earlier that the ampm by his house sells probably every flavor of Calypso imaginable.

But, as you probably imagined, the eye wasnt showing. -_-. Yeah, hella stale face. Infact, patricks moviefone lied to us. NOTHING happened to be playing after 10pm. -_-? yeah, definitely. So, we went to innout, wendys, and then his house.

theres times where i know he jus got too many for me... and i doubt hed let it all go for ME and nothing beneficial is going to come out of this just like mr "d-fresh". but hey, try everything once right? i guess.

i mean, theres times i just get tired. Tired of not having a stable relationship. the last stable relationship i had was with Brian Christopher Nemorin Miller. i never said perfect cuz lord knows we had issues, but we were stable. i mean eight months? ha'

this brings me back to a conversation i once had with dennis about him and rachel.
he told me that all of his relationships he had after her, were like "replacements" or like "rebound girls" cuz he really had a deep genuine love for her and he compared every one to her. i think its the same with me. cuz theres times where i find myself thinking about "what if" i never did what i did? "what if" we were still together? wed be together 1yr3mnths.

WOW. idk, i guess i dont want him, i jus want the idea of him. i see people in year relationships, and really wonder how they can go so long? how do you not get bored of the same person? its always been something i dont understand. but when i figure it out... ill be sure to let you know.

with that being said... farewell.

<3v. acosta



most influential thing of the day;; You always hurt the one you love the most.

the beginning;; dedicated to p.arriana

1.30.08
interesting date.
its already a whole month into the new year. wow.

so after days of contemplation, thanks to the influence of a not so anonymous other half by the name of "apassionata;" ... i decided to jus say fuck it and make a blogspot. Even though like live journal, and facebook and xanga...I'll use it for 3/4 months... and call it a wrap.
Thats all i hafta say for now.

Bazooka- above;; is whining about not being able to use the computer so farewell it is until next time at least.

heading to the bridge soon to watch "the eye"


<3>v. acosta



most influential thing of the day;;
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months over-analyzing a situation ;trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, should've, would've happened..or you can just leave the pieces on the floor &move the fuck on." ;Tupac.