iGOTthisICEBOX;;

2.25.o8

title of this blog is very, very symbolic.
because right now, my heart has been turned cold. i finally decided to let go of things. well let me rephrase that... let go of people. the relationship ive had with certain people over years have to be let go. and have formed new relationships with certain people.... and this past time that i haven't been blogging, i've been contemplating. i finally let them go.
but before i really begin into this post, i want everyone reading to know what i say on this blog is from the real me, the inner me.

well, i'll start with the oldest relationship.
Ebonayre Dontae Stuckey;; Nerd & Dip... Our friendship/ relationship, whatever you want to call it was ongoing for four years. he was that one guy that regardless of who comes along, if i needed that emotional attention or physical i could go to him. I always still had feelings for ebonayre. he was really one of those few people in my life that i really do LOVE. and when i say love, i dont mean... hi you're my friend i love you. i mean... we've been through so much, from the bottom of my heart, i love you. well, recently hes gotten close to a certain someone. a certain someone that would prevent me from continuing this relationship. so i finally called it the end... i cried hella bad that night. hes someone i never wanted to let go of, but i had to. Ebonayre, i hope you made the right choice....

the next person...
Maurice Norville;; my bRat... well, our relationship is alot more intricate than those who are outsiders. it was us, then me and a boyfriend, then him and a girlfriend, while we were still involved. we attempted many times to form a relationship, but it seemed we just could never do it. finally i met someone who i was told was his friend.. who turned out to be his cousin. Reese was always someone i could go to when i needed ANYTHING, as well him for i. Yet, me not knowing his cousin was really his cousin fucked up everything between the two of us. our whole relationship was based on trey songs song "Last Time" in that song, he says, "Im living two different lifes. one girl in the day, you in the night. and even though this aint right, i just cant get enough, of the way you put it down... you really got me trippin. hold up baby girl. dont talk just listen. "Well, recently our relationship had sparked again, when i realized... nothing would ever be more than what it is... and with him, i'd want more than what it was. So i have to say goodbye. Maurice, I will always have love for you. And to be honest, at one point I wouldve done anything for you. well, its time to say goodbye. i love you.

the last person..
Patrick... our relationship wont go farther than what it is... and I'm done with these pointless relationships. Thankyou for everything youve done, taught, showed me... but i cant do this anymore. Goodbye.

well, im going to the valley. write more later 2nite.

<33v.acosta>

san lorenzo;;

02.16.o8

yes i know;; its been 5 days since my last post. im sorry i've been slacking but i was busy prepping for oakland and what not. && well;; im here now. with a minor headache.

so uhm, yesterday my first day here;; i was drunk and high off my ass so i dont recall much of what i said or did. all i remember is laughing at carlos while him and his drunk room mates played rock band (similar to guitar hero) and left random comments on peoples pages including pat pats loll

today;; me nd michelle got our nails done. IN OAKLAND @@ sun nails :] shoutoutts to the miss crew kuz im actually very happy with mine. then we went to china town;; then fishermans gwarf or w.e. its called lol and tried to figure out how to get to the golden gate bridge... but gave up HELLA fast lol.

2mrw= me nd michelle going back to frisco and takingg pictures for my final.

well this weekend has been an experience. the whole thought of not knowing a single person out here besides michelle is amazing. i like it;; although id like someone to give us a tour guide around the slums of the bay lol kuz lord knowws cute guys are somewhere out here.
ha' while stuck in traffic today bumpin droop e;; ran into a car full of dudes... wuldve asked for tree but they were headed the opposite direction lol. but neways i enjoy it out here. i will come back for spring break possibly w. my mom or solow. regardless, ill come back and have fun again and see my stepmom nd bro and sis. and that will be my determination of whether or not i move out here.

ka keeps telling me im very bay and this is where i belong;; i mean... the people are welcoming here... you can openly blow tree? like sheeez i think im n love haha.


well;; thats all i got for now... i took a shit load of pix but my cf readers @@ home in LA so ill post them asap. ha' i love hearing the BART speed by ka's window.
well kids, ill post again when i return to LA.

peace && love ya thizz! ;]

ps. i g0t pink hair dye today... so yeah;; the hairs gonna match the nails... mainy? mos. def.

<33>

cali-for-niy- ay!;;

2.11.o8

so, originally i was going to go to the guy that did zachs moms tat... but he wasnt there... but i HAD to have one of my tats done that day or else i knew if punk out.... so i got my cali tat done =]] . although i passed out lol, it was still worth im. im really happy with the way it turned out. its hella unique :] && the quote for this tat....

"tatted on my hand so it must be permanent"
bL;; L.A.;; CALI till i die.

first tattoo;

2.9.o8

I'm officially letting go of it all. I miss the old days, where I didn't have to worry about a specific guy... so fuck it. "No falling in love, no commitment from me."

Right now, I'm about to get dressed && go pick up the besty aka dOeboi... && we're gonna go get my first tattoo :]] yay me. I'm getting my bracelets done today if things go as planned.I know Precious probably threw up in her mouth when she read that but I mean... I have to have it.

update more later kiddies.

<33>

t`oaks&&lbc;;

2.8.o8

2 pictures describe 2nite....

&&& the second picture =]
that explains the other
part of my night...

&& 2mrw will consist of another trip to t`oaks to see my punkface tD. ;]


[G]Nite America
<33>

rip longhairdontcare;;

2.7.08

Wow, okay so yesterday was very VERY interesting. Lets just say, I no longer take Fundamentals of Design class seriously anymore. Its a joke to me like beyond any other.

pcakesdotcom (7:07:36 PM): it's funny how things work.

I couldnt have FUCKIN said it any better my damn self. Lifes all a big joke to me. Haha thanks Ashton, okay I'm punked, you can come out now... Except no cameras come out for me. Its all a reality joke if that makes any kind of sense.

Well, today my check finally went through.Which means credit card bill payment, phone bill, && patrick. Also, groceries, closet organizer && yeah. I decided I can wait on shopping. I need to start prioritizing like I would in the real world.

The Primary Elections... I'm kind of confused on who won Super Tuesday, because some said Clinton, some said Obama. All in all however, Hillarys winning the elections which makes me VERY happy.

I'm bout to go get in the shower && head to ikea. I gotta get a closet organizer thingy so I have room in my closet for my refrigerator :].

2mrw= Help Acce w. his photoshoot && then head out to thousand oaks to go see my punkface (tD) fina-fuckn-LY!!!!


OMGG.... BREAKING FUCKIN NEWS...
MAURICE "REESIE F BABY" NORVILLE JUS CUT ALL HIS GORGEOUS LONG HAIR OFF!! HE HAS A FADE NOW...
i swear i dont think ive ever wanted to cry this bad in my life. no one has ever been able to make me sad with drasstic changes until this....

im done. i cant function on the computer anymore.
fuck the world.

<3>V.ACOSTA.

americancitizen;;

2.5.08
SUPER TUESDAY

PRIMARY ELECTIONS ARE 2DAY GUYS.
GET OUT AND VOTE.
&& IF YUR NOT REGISTERED...
DO THAT ASAP SO YOU CAN VOTE FOR PRESIDENT IN NOVEMBER!!



Anyways, I'm highly upset to see that Precious deleted her blog. Oh well, I'll blog on for us both lol. but last nite was interesting;; had some pretty deep convos with Patrick, && lets just say I understand him alot better now. There's alot more to him than what meets the eye. Patrick, You're genuinely a great person && I'm really glad that computer didn't work that day. :]. Even though he probably wont read this... hes a great person. You know how they say its the little things that mean the most? DEFINITELY true. Him cooking for me, or making me laugh, or even opening up the way he did last night... REALLY means the world.

Well, thats all for now kids. Oh, I'm gonna be in the valley friday night. Thousand Oaks to be exact. My punkface(tD) will be valley with it so thats where you'll find me.

peace cuhz.
<3v.acosta

ps;; 2wo words...
VOTE HILLARY!!

babieINSANE;;

2.4.08
5.12 am

I just came home from being captain save a hoe nessa for that beach boy kid jay. Ehh yeah hes cute, but goofy as hell. He's definitely Evans friend, that's all i have to say lmao. But as I was saying, I lay here hella tired, but to the point where I'm so tired, that not even sleep sounds intruiging... eating zours while thinking. precious. arianna. samuel. If you delete your blog, mine is pointless you slutcake.

Anyways, today was alot of unexpected shit. Waited for Skyler to come pick up Kalan. Took Michelle home in Reseda, then headed to QT Chicago Dogs for my Phillycheesesteak, orange bang, and large fries. ") It made me hella happy. Called my bby (preciouscakes) && decided I was kidnapping her. So.. dropped off Beez... picked up Pcakes &&jerishaaaa lmao. Took bbney nd jcreezy to the bridge. Basically, P got a bbq chicken pizza... me nd j had a wonderful kush blunt. got precious lowkey up there haha. So we leave to go get b&e nd jericha doesnt feel too well... uh oh right? downhill from there. had to ride with the car windows open. sheeeesh lets jus say when i get cash, my car must be shampooed.

J ended up cleanin the mess, despite her not feeling well. Posted here @@ my casa for a little, then took the bbys home. Got a random call from Evan tryna convince me to help his little beachboy friend no homo. So me && p were ROASTING. Like, who the fuck goes to the Northridge mall @ 2am... Probably robbing malls or something lol. ANYWAYS!!! I being the nice person that I am, decided alright I'll do it. So I finally meet this little "Jay" character. find out Mr Robert Brown or w.e. the fuck that name was, was really a fake lol && that alot of people claimin babie insane really aren't from there.. DEEP RIGHT?!! Also found out that I apparently have a new bighomie lmao. WOW right? ha'

So I'm finally home. Pickin up bazookabby for school 2mrw@@12. I realized hes growing on to me more and more as time goes on. Although hes annoying at times and I really wanna fckn kill him, hes a special dude no emo or nothin. But yeah... I'm tired so fckyrlives.

Btw, YAY GIANTS ")

Goodnight children.
Tomorrow will be another eventful day.
Love you all very much;;

<3v.acosta>
Most influential thing of the day;;


Only I can see the world from this point of view.

kalan;;

2.3.08
6:08am

still havent gone to sleep.
me & kalan are up reading blogs.
:]

so i decided;;
this whole post is dedicated to kalan.

kuz "when all else fails.. nessa loves you"
ha' thats love.


<3v.acosta>

hes back;;

2.3.08
3:47pm

First off, I'm hella happy due to the fact that I woke up to ONE myspace approve comment. It happened to be from "Buccwild," so I smiled cuz I knew it was gonna be something hella random. Sure enough, "that guy is back." Naheem is back in Cali =]. Even though me and him don't talk as much as we used to, let alone see each other as much as we used to, I genuinely have a love for that guy. Real shit, aside from all of the attraction that was there, the conversations we can have are different from the ones I can have with other people. I'm glad to know my mystery man is back. Off to the cove again soon for me ")

So, I ended up picking up Evan from Melrose. Instead of going home, I went to Basira's to get ready &&ended up picking up Michelle. By the time we got to Shannon's party, it was over. Boohoo. Yeah, whatever. Shannon wanted me to "go to the movies and cuddle with him" but I wanted to still go out. By the time I was heading back to the Valley, I didn't have enough gas to go get Shannon.

I ended up getting a random text message from Mitchell talking about what I'm doing on the 6th of April. He won't tell me why, but I have to apparently leave that date open. ??? exactly WTF could possibly be happening that date. He told me it's a surprise and that I have to leave it open. HmMmM... mystery forsure but whatever. He said its a party in paradise & when he finds out more info, he'll let me know. Lol Oh God!!

Well, I ended up picking up Kalan so right now me, Beez, Michelle, Kk, and Evan are at my house. Yes of course, Kalan's rolling up haha..

Precious' post made my eyes water alot. She spoke the damn truth. Regardless of what we go through, no one can tell us shit about our friendship. We have our on and offs, ups and downs, yet we could go back to normal amazing level of friendship. Shes like the better half of me. Everything that I am lacking, she gained. She fills in my voids, hella no homo though lol. I really do think that 19 years from now, we will be that picture. I love you too baby ;] haha. Like she said, it may sound homo, but for us its okay.

Well, 2mrw I believe we're all going to the bridge.
I really wanna see the eye so we'll see what happens.

<3>most influential thing of the day;;
Life is about making choices, and the consequences of those choices.
Mistakes will be made, but live life, regret nothing.

boredom;;

2.2.08.
SO UHM, last night was a bunch of nothingness. night ended by me going topats house. nd of course his ass was HELLA DRUNK nd blowed.
so we're just waking up @@ 4 something. -_-

but 2nite shuld b fun.... kickn it w. michelle and basira. :]]

dont have 2 much insight to speak on 2nite...

<3 style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">most influential thing of the day;;
"i woke up this morning, the sunshine was shining, i put on my happy face"

chocolatetuxedo;;

02.01.2008
2.27am
speaking on the 31st of January

The night was uhm, interesting at the least I'd say. So, me Precious nd Ky made a remix to Lyndon and lil Terry's "Teamer" song. ;;below;;
ay yo p! ayo ky!
what it do like!!!!
my nigga p hit!
my nigga ky hit!
he let me hit!
hes a number 1 teamer!

Lmao. clowns? Yes. We did this all at Pats house, which is exactly why the night was so interesting. We went from Valley theft to being made food by Pat. Anyways... how did I end up with P & Ky? I needed to get out && Ky and P definitely helped take my mind off all the bullshit that occurred today.
Put it like this, I saw a canaiving bitch attempt to "put the myspace pieces together", saw a conversation that I didn't want to see that in fact disgusted the fuck out of me, and found out my little me (Shianne aka Lil Mz Infamous) & Red were getting played by the same low fuck.

So, I called P & made it work. We went to Wendy's and this slut muffin really counted her fckn calories of her chicken nuggets. WOW right? I mean it's all good I guess. I just wish that girl would eat more. lol She doesn't eat enough in my eyes, but thats her choice; not gonna love that girl any less =]] but anyways,
1.31.08 Precious Ariana Samuel did something for the first time.
&& No it wasn't smoking or any other kind of foreign substance.
lmao && It was adorable. And of course me nd ky's kleptomaniac asses attempted to go on a spree, lol panties shirts nd all hahaahaah. This post is just an insight of what i did tonight.
&& How it made me happy :].
Oh also, Feb 1st... Kyla disrespected the Vegan community. Lmao! You won't get it, if you weren't there so dont ask.
I also had a Chocolate Tuxedo cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory, which also made me feel like I had died, came back and went to the fckn moon or "Mc Manus" lmao.

well sheesh. 2mrw? no idea what were gonna do after i get out of the wedding... cuz mafias cancelled and shes not 18 yet =/ grRrRawR. fuck.

i guess well just have to wait and see.
my opionated post will come tonight.
till then... sayonara? however you spell that fuckshit.

<3v.acosta

most influential thing of the day;;
"momma i just want you to know, loving you's like food to my soul"- boys II men

a scattered mind;;

1.31.08
part 2. =/

I'm kind of glad I got this Blogspot. I think I'm actually going to be putting it to use. i mean hey... the days only halfway over and I already have 2 long ass posts for the day. I'm sure there will be one more by the night is over. It's good for me though. Although Precious && Zach are my other halfs.. I can't always tell them everything that's on my mind. They have their own problems, but for how much i do tell them, and how much they listen, i love them to death.

Today so far hasn't consisted of much. I woke up, & came straight to school at around 12 && have been blogging && myspacing since. Yes, another day wasted. I guess I'm going to the "infamous" alley in LA. Pat wants to go shopping. Oh joy right? I've come to realize alot about myself, my school, the people here, and my surroundings. Although at first I said it's nothing like high school, it is in fact exactly like high school. you have the typical girls. the weird girls. the loser guys. the "here for now" guys. the guys u c but never speak with. and then you have the jealous canaiving bitch "plastics" precious is probably the only one that will realize what im talking about. whatever tho. this is life and its the story ive lived forever now. bitches will always press my nerve. thats just how it goes.

So I've come to realize, regardless of how happy I say I am in life, I'm not. && its not him that I like or enjoy 'cuz i realized im kind of bored... I realized that i enjoy the idea of him. I really think I should go back to the whole.. Travis && Reese days. When I wasn't just prioritizing one guy && in all actuality... I didn't give a flying FUCK about how they felt or if they were hurt. As long as Vanessa was happy, everything was all good. That's why this song connects to me so much, because "if you pimp him I congratulate you." I realized I was happier when I was doing them grimey.

I also realized my prioritites highly need to be re-evaluated.
when i say this i mean;;
really focus on school
get a job
make money
get my car fixed
FUCK GUYS.


i think that would definitely center my life and make it more enjoyable for me. I definitely have to stop talking about this shit and be about it.

Well, Friends... Another subject that intrigued me today as I came across a picture...
my mom, ann && dom. They've been friends for 18plus years? And I lose friends like the hair that falls out of my head. I sit here and wonder... 19 years from now, who's still gonna be here? who's gonna be here when me & my husband are fighting, or when i need some extra money, or when i find out my 16 year old daughter is pregnant? Which one of these "friends" I have is going to become closer to me? or become more distant? I know we cant control the actions of others... but seeing that picture && seeing how genuinely happy my mom looks in this picture is literally bringing tears to my eyes. I hope that 19 years from now... My mom, Ann & Dom... become Me.. precious... and zach...

&& thats all thats to be said for now...
with that said
i gotta let this blog cry...
as well as my eyes...

<3>

Most Influential thing of the day;;

be a better, true, genuine friend, so 18plus years from now...
i can have the same genuine smile, that my mother has.

Relation &ships.;;

1.31.08
stephens bday.
elisias bday.
the end of the first month of o8.

i forgot to say earlier that the ampm by his house sells probably every flavor of Calypso imaginable.

But, as you probably imagined, the eye wasnt showing. -_-. Yeah, hella stale face. Infact, patricks moviefone lied to us. NOTHING happened to be playing after 10pm. -_-? yeah, definitely. So, we went to innout, wendys, and then his house.

theres times where i know he jus got too many for me... and i doubt hed let it all go for ME and nothing beneficial is going to come out of this just like mr "d-fresh". but hey, try everything once right? i guess.

i mean, theres times i just get tired. Tired of not having a stable relationship. the last stable relationship i had was with Brian Christopher Nemorin Miller. i never said perfect cuz lord knows we had issues, but we were stable. i mean eight months? ha'

this brings me back to a conversation i once had with dennis about him and rachel.
he told me that all of his relationships he had after her, were like "replacements" or like "rebound girls" cuz he really had a deep genuine love for her and he compared every one to her. i think its the same with me. cuz theres times where i find myself thinking about "what if" i never did what i did? "what if" we were still together? wed be together 1yr3mnths.

WOW. idk, i guess i dont want him, i jus want the idea of him. i see people in year relationships, and really wonder how they can go so long? how do you not get bored of the same person? its always been something i dont understand. but when i figure it out... ill be sure to let you know.

with that being said... farewell.

<3v. acosta



most influential thing of the day;; You always hurt the one you love the most.

the beginning;; dedicated to p.arriana

1.30.08
interesting date.
its already a whole month into the new year. wow.

so after days of contemplation, thanks to the influence of a not so anonymous other half by the name of "apassionata;" ... i decided to jus say fuck it and make a blogspot. Even though like live journal, and facebook and xanga...I'll use it for 3/4 months... and call it a wrap.
Thats all i hafta say for now.

Bazooka- above;; is whining about not being able to use the computer so farewell it is until next time at least.

heading to the bridge soon to watch "the eye"


<3>v. acosta



most influential thing of the day;;
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, even months over-analyzing a situation ;trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, should've, would've happened..or you can just leave the pieces on the floor &move the fuck on." ;Tupac.