pow

love love love it .

job hunting starts now (:
<3$$$$$

babytime.

so i definitely havent written in a long time...
with everything going on i mean..
let me start off by saying
FREE BIG B0N3 AKA WOOKI3;
got him his game that he wanted so he got something to enjoy when he gets out (:


let me just say this has been whats occupying most of my time.
Auriahnna Jacklynn Dorsey.
Born: 8.5.2009 @11:34pm
same birthday as her mommy, yes i know.

okay so august 3rd and 4th my back had been hurting REALLY bad. the 4th a little worse .. i found myself throwing up EVERYTHING and getting very dizzy and didnt know why... well later in the day i found myself at Petitpark with my boyfriend. He was off smoking with his brothers Eric, Hasan and Chico.. while Jaz and I talked about her labor and how the doctor had to break her water and how i heard that thats normally the case... next thing u know i feel a gush. if youre familiar with the female body you know our body does weird shit sometimes... so i got up to walk and see if the gushing would stop, but no... more gushing. it hit me hard... MY WATER BROKE. no words were said to jaz all i did was walk and yell BABE... no response... WOOKIE... he peeked his head up and knew something wasnt right as i waved for him to come over... i told him "we have to go... my water broke" and he asked me if i was sure... i wanted to laugh because NO i wasnt sure i never had a kid so i didnt know what it felt like but if i had to imagine... that would be it. its like peeing without being able to stop yourself. anyways... so he got really nervous and we hopped in the car and headed for Henry Mayo Newhall Memorial Hospital in Valencia. We got there in about 20-30 minutes (9pm). the whole time mind you i was in a weird almost euphoric state... i was very calm aside from the fact that my breathing was a little heavier but i think that was just due to the adrenaline... the fact that SHE MIGHT BE HERE THE DAY BEFORE MY 20TH BIRTHDAY!!!. so we get to the hospital and the nurses asked why i was there and i responded " im not sure, but i think my water broke" so they stuck things inside me and said "yeah it was your water.. and you're 2cm dialated" (mind u thats what i was the thursday prior) so they went ahead and started administering IVs and antibiotics and Pitocin which if you dont know, induces labor. so from here on out it was a simple waiting game... the doctor wanted me to give birth by 8am... so now not only did i have to stay til my birthday... i couldnt take wookie to court ... and he wouldnt be there while i waited or when i gave birth. i was a bit down but he had shit to take care of.. so im waiting and waiting and nothings happening... eventually they raise the pitocin up to "24" which is the maximum level and still nothing happens. by this time may i remind you its about 22 hours later and the second doctor on call is on duty and ive dialated about another cm.... so she decides to stick an internal monitor up my vajayjay to make sure the contractions are happening...& they think my bodys become immune to the pitocin so they turn it off and start over again which is when i start feeling contractions that HURT. i mean i was crying... so the doctor looks at the monitor and sees that my contractions though progressing... are not doing enough to make me dialate... they then decide to give me an epidural to loosen my pelvic area to see if the baby will drop on my cervix a little more which would help me dialate... so epidural time... that was the most painful thing of my labor/birth experience... wookie (boyfriend) told me that the needle was about as wide as 3/4ths of this computer monitor....so anyways as soon as they gave me the epidural my legs went NUMB. i mean almost in a paralystic state. I felt them there... but when asked to move them... haaaa ! i sat there and just looked at my legs... so at least we knew the epidural worked lol... about 4 hours had passed from the last time they checked me and i dialated another cm so it took me 26 hours to dialate from 2cm to 4cm... mind you u cant give birth til youre at 10.... i laid there listenin to precious talk about her sister's mission at kaiser and listened to jericha talk to my stomach...watched the man whose child i was about to birth and started to feel my eyes rolling and my neck flop over like a newborn... if i had to imagine what rollin felt like... THAT WAS IT... all i could do was roll my eyes let my neck fall forward and then pull it bakc and say.. DAYUM; IM FUCCKKKED UP! the doctor finally came in and told me that i had two options.. cut to the chase ... i could have a csection and get the labor over with... or i could wait to see if i dialate and either give birth naturally or end up having to have a csection from not dialating... so i was so pissed off from being off no sleep... no food and no baby that i said lets get this baby outt ! so there everyone went .. clearing out my room sending me to the operating room... my mom joined me. alot of things crossed my mind while i laid there on the operating table.. the fact that i once decided not to keep the child i was about to have kept running through my mind. i kept wondering what he/she would look like. i kept wondering if my babygirl was going to really be a baby girl... finally i felt pressure as someone pushed down on my stomach. i felt another person pulling at something.. and there it was ONE NOTE.. ONE CRY... i got scared because i only heard one cry so i started crying. i thought what if the cord is wrapped.. what if shes not breathing... what if what if what if... finally they pulled all of the baby out and there it was ... what i had waited 9 months for... "ITS A BABYGIRL" with her crying as background noise... as they carried her over to the table to clean her up i kept crying... i finally realized what people meant when they said the second you have your baby, you fall in love... here we are 3 weeks later....the picture u saw above (: Auriahnna Jacklynn Dorsey ! heres pictures!

daddy &grandparentsss

daddy lookin at his bby.

uncle eric

bbys first ride home !

ill be posting more pictures soon ...
im jst tired.

FREE BIG B0N3. MISS U BABE!

change gon' come .

say no more ....

8/14/2009- 2010!!!!

i need that!

august 14th; im comin for that ass! even if its from the labor room at the hospital! im coppin!

i want him;

cant tell me that cuntfucc isnt the most adorable thing in the world.




dont tell wookie though (:
he might get upset.

bwahahahaha.




monkeys poppin.

luam.

no reason she should move like this.
check her out at http://www.youtube.com/user/luamworld

makinMOVES

getting my car hopefully by friday.
first plans.
Lbc to see my bm<3
the beach with the boyfriend.
and china town so he can try real chinese food pwahaha

empty

sMh.

once i get this car,
youll know what its like.
to be left behind.
to feel neglected.
to feel alone.
as much as we see each other...
its not the same.
we dont spend TIME together.

once i get this car,
and im gone every week with my friends...
youll feel what i feel.
youll wonder why we dont spend time
youll wonder why im always leaving you
instead of hanging out with you.

there was only one other person i cared for in my life anywhere near as much as i cared for you...
and i left him behind because he NEGLECTED me...

i hope im not living a replay.

frosted;

complete!!! red white &blu<3

they're decent. im happy (: they taste good lol!!

unfrosted;

(: not frosted yet;
but i guess my moms going to a memorial day bbq
2mrw so i baked cupcakes for her to take with her.
jst a white cake but its layered (:
they almost tasted like angelfoodcake

i took one out of the batch to taste test (: and i likeeee.
likee so much i almost didnt take a pictureee lol. woopsie.

here

babylookingrown

(: my baby got a jobb! congrats my love<3

he looked so sharp today!! lol with his lil dress shirt tie and slacks!
boyyyy lookin sharp assss heelllll(:

<3333 my boyfriends the sexiest nigga ever<3


btw, for those of you that thought yesterdays post was about my boyfriend... its not.

1/2_amus.

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands." - Unknown

if you know me, you know who this is about. period.

i guess thats what my problem was... i guess i thought even though we disagree'd, youd still be here holding my hand. you'd still be here to tell me "i told you so" if this ever falls, and to hug me and make me stop crying like you did the night of the party at legion... i thought you'd still be here to walk with me through this thing called life....


and its sad that its come to this;
acting like we know nothing of each other.
like complete strangers...
no, not even a hi or bye or a head nod to acknowledge each others presence. . .
nothing more than "vanessa" or ... no need for names.

all i can do is think about the friendship we once had
the friendship i once thought would be here FOREVER....
how it shattered in an instant . . .
and i guess you can say part of me is to blame,
but honestly if you could see things from my eyes...
if you saw things the way i was looking at them
if you saw the way i AM treating this situation . . .
if you saw the way we both feel....
i think you might have felt a little differently about me and him.

i mean who knows maybe we'd still be friends.
i was taught to live life regret nothing . . . everything happens for a reason.
losing one friendship that meant the most to me is the ONE and ONLY thing i have ever regretted.... and i see no reason for you not being here.
i see no reason for us not being as we were... at least a hi and bye would keep me content...
it wouldnt "do" but it would keep me from crying everytime i see you
and we walk by each other and act as if weve never met...

someone who was once my other 1/2... now a stranger in my life....

"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew"- Henry Rollins

i still love you ..

hfdsjfahdsjf.HJ.fdhsjfahsdk

scurrryyy

he creeps me thee fuck out;
Charles "no-name maddox" Manson. . . .

talk about heebeejeebeez!

rappers are hungry;

really?

CAM'RON HAS A SONG CALLED COOKIES AND APPLEJUICE.


SUPER BURNT.

biz

that puppy puts a smile on my face (:

i miss bizzy =[
gRrRr!!!!

@@wookies house. bored.

Golden;

i want one!!!!

AHH!! GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPIES ARE
THE MOST ADORABLE CUNT THINGS IN THE WORLD!!!!

Exfactor;

i was trying to find a legitimate cover for ex factor that i liked....
and she made me smile.
and i mean, i think "id hold her hand" LMFAO

who???

this nigga, needs to stop making music.

NOW.

thehills;

I normally don't think that white girls are very attractive;
but Audrina Patridge is definitely a gorgeous girl.